Ben Sira, that wise sage whose words are treasured in Jewish tradition, had something to say about that very thing. In Chapter 13 of the Book of Ben Sira, he observes the subtle ways people try to manipulate impressions. He notes, "He will shake his head, and wave his hand; And with much whispering he will change his countenance."
Think about that for a moment. That head shake, the waving hand – it's all a performance. And the whispering? That's the real giveaway, isn't it? The implication is that this person isn't being genuine; they're calculating, scheming, maybe even two-faced. They’re crafting an image, and it's all a bit… unsettling.
Ben Sira isn't just pointing out annoying habits, though. He’s highlighting a deeper truth about the company we keep and the influences we allow into our lives. He continues with a powerful metaphor: "Whoso toucheth pitch, it shall cleave to his hand; And he that hath fellowship with a scorner will learn his way."
Pitch, that sticky, black substance, represents something corrupting. It’s like tar, impossible to get rid of completely once it's on you. And Ben Sira's point is crystal clear: associate with those who are cynical, those who mock and scorn, and you risk becoming like them. Their negativity, their bitterness, will cling to you, staining your own character.
It’s a warning about the power of association, about how easily we can absorb the traits of those around us. This isn’t just about avoiding “bad” people, but about being mindful of the subtle ways negativity can seep into our own thoughts and behaviors.
Think about the last time you spent a lot of time with someone who constantly complained. Did you find yourself complaining more too? It's a natural human tendency. We mirror those around us. Ben Sira is urging us to be deliberate about who we choose to surround ourselves with.
It reminds me of the concept of middot (virtues) in Jewish ethics. We strive to cultivate positive character traits, like kindness, compassion, and humility. But these qualities need nurturing. They need an environment where they can flourish. And that environment is, in large part, determined by the people we choose to spend our time with.
So, the next time you notice someone "shaking their head and waving their hand," take a moment to consider not just their character, but your own. And ask yourself: am I touching pitch? Am I allowing negativity to cling to me?
Ben Sira’s wisdom is timeless, a reminder that our choices – both big and small – shape who we become. And that the company we keep plays a far bigger role than we might realize.