The Book of Tobit, part of the Apocrypha, gives us just that—a deeply personal glimpse into the values and concerns of a father as he prepares his son for life's uncertainties. Let's eavesdrop, shall we?
Tobit, a righteous man living in exile, knows his time is drawing near. He calls his son, Tobiah, to his side, not for a simple goodbye, but for a final, crucial download of life lessons. What does he emphasize? Where does he focus his waning energy?
First, family. Tobit urges his son to "withdraw thyself from all uncleanness and from all whoredom, and take thee a wife of thy family, and not of any stranger." This isn’t just about lineage, is it? It’s about shared values, a common history, and the strength found in familiar roots. He reminds Tobiah of their patriarchs, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, who "took wives of their own family, and would not make marriages with the strangers, and they were blessed with sons and daughters." It’s a powerful image: a family tree nourished by connection, not diluted by difference. This idea of marrying within the tribe, so to speak, reflects a deep-seated desire to preserve cultural and religious identity, something incredibly important in a time of exile and assimilation.
But Tobit’s advice isn’t just about marriage. It’s about how to live a righteous life, a life pleasing to God. "And thou, my son, give thine heart to all thy work, and that which thou hatest to be done to thee, do not thou to others." Sound familiar? It's the Golden Rule! Before Hillel the Elder famously summarized the entire Torah as "That which is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow. That is the whole Torah; the rest is the explanation; go and learn," (as we learn in the Talmud, Shabbat 31a), Tobit was passing down a similar ethical framework to his son. It's a timeless principle, isn't it? A simple yet profound guide for navigating human relationships with empathy and integrity.
He continues, "And let not the wages of him that is hired abide with thee all night on the day when thou dost agree with him, and thy work God will repay thee." Prompt payment of wages is a recurring theme in Jewish ethics. It’s about fairness, about recognizing the inherent dignity of labor. Delaying payment is seen as a form of oppression, a denial of someone's basic right to sustenance. Tobit reminds his son that God sees all, and ultimately, justice will prevail.
And then, a warning: "And withdraw thyself from drunkenness, and there shall no evil happen unto thee." Self-control, moderation, these are key to avoiding pitfalls. It's easy to see why Tobit, concerned for his son's well-being on a dangerous journey, would emphasize this.
Finally, Tobit gets to the heart of what it means to be a compassionate human being: "And give of thy bread to the hungry, and with thy garments cover the naked, and of all which remaineth over give alms, and let it not be hard in thine eyes." Tzedakah, the act of giving to those in need, is not just charity; it’s an obligation. It’s about recognizing our shared humanity, our interconnectedness. "Let it not be hard in thine eyes" – don't give grudgingly, but with a generous heart.
Tobit’s words are more than just a father's advice. They're a distillation of Jewish wisdom, a guide to living a meaningful and ethical life. As we listen to these ancient words, we can't help but reflect on what values we would pass on to our own children, or what principles guide our own actions in the world. What, truly, matters most?