The book of Ecclesiastes, or Kohelet in Hebrew, certainly thought so, at least in one rather pointed verse. "I find more bitter than death," it says, "the woman whose heart is snares and nets, her hands, shackles. One who is good before God will escape from her, but a sinner will be captured by her" (Ecclesiastes 7:26). Ouch.
But what does it mean? We find some insight in Kohelet Rabbah, a rabbinic commentary on Ecclesiastes. The Rabbis suggest that this "bitter than death" woman is one who demands so much that her partner can’t possibly live up to her expectations. She ultimately causes him to die a "bitter death," not necessarily physically, but perhaps emotionally or spiritually.
To illustrate this, Kohelet Rabbah shares a rather grim tale.
There once was a man with a neighbor who was a robber. This robber would venture out at night, commit his crimes, and then provide for his family during the day. The first man's wife, seeing the relative comfort of the robber's family, lamented her own situation. She said to her husband, "How unfortunate is that woman who has adhered to you!" — a thinly veiled complaint about her own life. She pointed out how well the neighbor's children ate and drank, how much better off they seemed.
Now, her husband, perhaps a little too eager to please, asked, "Do you want me to do what he does?" And to his surprise, she responded, "What is wrong with that?"
So, he proposed a plan: they would go together to convince the robber to let him join in the nightly escapades. They went, they convinced him, and the neighbor agreed to take him along.
That very night, they went out. But another robber had already set an ambush. The experienced robber, familiar with the roads and the dangers, managed to escape. But the first-timer, the neighbor who was new to this life of crime, didn't know the paths. He was captured and, tragically, hanged.
And what did the townspeople say? They proclaimed, "Last of the robbers, first of the hanged." A harsh epitaph, to be sure.
What’s the lesson here? Is it simply "crime doesn't pay?" Or is it something deeper about the dangers of unmet expectations and the pressures we put on each other? The story serves as a cautionary tale about the potential consequences of chasing after perceived greener pastures, especially when driven by the nagging desires of another. It highlights the importance of contentment and the dangers of being swayed by superficial appearances.
The Rabbis, through this story, seem to be suggesting that the "bitter than death" woman isn't necessarily malicious, but perhaps shortsighted, focusing on material gains without considering the moral or practical consequences. Her desires, her "snares and nets," ultimately lead to the downfall of her partner.
So, next time you find yourself envying someone else's life, or feeling pressured to provide more, remember the story of the robber's neighbor. Sometimes, the most valuable treasure is contentment, and the most dangerous trap is the relentless pursuit of something more.