It turns out, even Abraham, our forefather, might have had a moment of… well, not exactly doubt, but perhaps profound wonder.
The Torah tells us, in Genesis 17:17, after God promises Abraham a son through Sarah, that Abraham "said in his mind, 'Shall a child be born to a man who is a hundred years old? Shall Sarah, who is ninety years old, bear a child?'" Now, why does the text specifically point out that he said this in his mind?
That’s the question posed in The Midrash of Philo. It's a fascinating point, isn't it? Why does the Torah highlight the internal nature of Abraham’s reaction? Was he doubting God?
According to The Midrash of Philo, there's a crucial distinction between words spoken aloud and thoughts held within. Words spoken "incur guilt, and become liable to punishment," while thoughts, those fleeting and often chaotic internal dialogues, are not. The mind, it argues, is a battlefield where "all kinds of passions" wage war, ideas and impulses swirling around. It resists, it questions, it grapples.
So, was Abraham being irreverent? The Midrash of Philo offers another, more generous, interpretation. Perhaps Abraham wasn't hesitating out of disbelief, but rather overcome by the sheer astonishment of the promise. He was struck by the "amazing nature of the gift."
Think about it. He was a hundred years old! Sarah, ninety! Bearing a child at that age would be… well, it would be a miracle.
Abraham’s internal monologue, then, wasn't one of doubt, but of awe. “Behold my body is advanced in years,” he might have thought, “and has passed the age of generation; nevertheless all things are possible to God, so that he may transmute old age into youth…”. He recognized that such a birth would transcend the ordinary, defying the "regularity of nature." It would be a clear and undeniable demonstration of God’s power and grace.
Essentially, if Abraham and Sarah, at their advanced ages, became parents, then everything would be turned on its head. It would be impossible to miss the hand of God in the situation.
It’s a powerful reminder that even our internal questioning can be a form of engagement with the divine. Perhaps doubt isn’t always the opposite of faith, but sometimes a pathway to deeper understanding and appreciation of the miraculous. And sometimes, the most profound faith expresses itself not in blind acceptance, but in a moment of breathtaking wonder.