Honoring Parents and the Reward God Kept Hidden

"Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land that the LORD your God gives you" (Exodus 20:12). "All the kings of the earth shall give You thanks, O LORD, for they have heard the words of Your mouth" (Psalms 138:4). Rabbi Menahem said: two things the nations of the world heard from the mouth of the Holy One, and they rose from their thrones and praised Him. When He said, "and that which he sinned against the holy thing he shall repay" (Leviticus 5:16) - they said, in our laws it is written, whoever eats from the emperor's funds is given a wound, but this One proclaims that he merely repays. And further, He was stricter with the commoner than with the exalted: of the exalted it is written, "if a soul commit a trespass and sin through error" (Leviticus 5:15) - He treated it as inadvertent; of the commoner it is written, "if a soul sin and commit a trespass against the LORD and lie" (Leviticus 5:21) - He treated it as deliberate. They rose from their thrones and praised Him. But when He said "I am the LORD your God" (Exodus 20:2), they said: which king wants another to deny him? When He said "You shall have no other" - which king wants a partner? When He said "You shall not take in vain" - which king wants people to swear by his name and lie? When He said "Remember the Sabbath" - which king does not want his birthday honored? But when He said "Honor" - they said, in our laws whoever enrolls himself as a servant to the king denies his parents, yet this One proclaims, "Honor your father and your mother." They rose from their thrones and praised the Holy One. "The path of life, lest you weigh it; her ways wander, you do not know them" (Proverbs 5:6). Rabbi Abba bar Kahana said: do not sit and weigh the commandments of the Torah, seeing which commandment's reward is great and doing that one. Why? "Her ways wander" - the paths of the Torah are shifting. Rabbi Hiyya taught: a parable to a king who had an orchard and brought workers into it but did not reveal to them the reward for its plantings, lest they see which planting's reward was great and plant only it, so that the work of the orchard would be partly idle. So the Holy One did not reveal to Israel the reward of the Torah's commandments, for if He had revealed it, they would see which commandment's reward is great and do only it, and the Torah would be partly neglected. Rabbi Shimon ben Yohai taught: two commandments in the Torah the Holy One revealed their reward - the lightest of the light and the weightiest of the weighty. The lightest of the light: "you shall surely send away the mother and take the young for yourself, that it may be well with you and you may prolong your days" (Deuteronomy 22:7). The weightiest of the weighty: "honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long" (Exodus 20:12). Rabbi Abba bar Kahana said: if for a matter that is mere repayment of a debt the reward is thus, how much more for a matter that involves loss and risk to life. Rabbi Abba bar Kahana in the name of Rabbi Shimon ben Yohai: just as their reward is great, so their punishment is great, as it is written, "the eye that mocks a father and scorns to obey a mother, the ravens of the valley shall pick it out and the young eagles shall eat it" (Proverbs 30:17). What is fear? Not to sit in his place, not to stand in his place, and not to contradict his words. What is honor? Food and drink, helping him lie down, washing, anointing, putting on his sandals, bringing him in and out. Rabbi Abahu in the name of Rabbi Yohanan: one might think even if the father says, throw the purse into the sea, the son should obey them - this applies to one who has other means to give his father satisfaction. Both the man and the woman are obligated, except that the man has the means in his power and the woman does not, because she is under the authority of others; if she is widowed or divorced, she is as one who has the means. Rabbi Shimon ben Yohai taught: the Holy One equated their honor to His honor, their fear to His fear, their cursing to His cursing. Honor: "Honor your father" and "Honor the LORD with your substance" (Proverbs 3:9). Fear: "a man shall fear his mother and his father" (Leviticus 19:3) and "the LORD your God you shall fear" (Deuteronomy 6:13). Cursing: "one who curses his father and mother" (Exodus 21:17) and "a man who curses his God shall bear his sin" (Leviticus 24:15). But concerning striking, it is impossible to say so toward heaven, and rightly, because three are partners in a person. How far does honoring father and mother extend? Rabbi Eliezer was asked, and he said: let us ask Dama ben Netina. Dama ben Netina was head of the city council. Once his mother came and tore at him before his whole council, and he said to her only, enough, Mother; and further, when her sandal fell from her hand, he reached out and gave it to her so she would not be distressed. Rabbi Hizkiyah said: he was a gentile of Ashkelon and head of the council, and the stone on which his father sat he never sat upon, and when his father died he made it an object of reverence. Once the jasper of Benjamin [for the priestly breastplate] was lost; they said, who has a precious stone like it? They said, Dama ben Netina. They went and set its price at a hundred dinars. He went up to bring it and found his father asleep, his foot resting on the chest. He came down and said to them: I cannot bring it to you. They thought he wanted more money and raised it to a thousand dinars. When his father awoke, he went up and brought it down to them. He sought to give him the last higher price, but he said: shall I sell you the honor of my father for money? I will derive no benefit from the reward of honoring my parents. What did the Holy One repay him? Rabbi Yose bar Avin said: that night his cow bore a red heifer, and Israel weighed out its weight in gold and took it from him. It happened with the mother of Rabbi Tarfon that she went out to walk in her courtyard, and her sandal split. What did Rabbi Tarfon do? He placed his hands under the soles of her feet, and she walked upon them until she reached her bed. Once Rabbi Tarfon fell ill, and our masters came to visit him. She said to them: pray for my son Rabbi Tarfon, for he treats me with honor. They said: what does he do for you? She told them the deed. They said: even if he did so a thousand thousand times, he has not reached half the honor due. The mother of Rabbi Ishmael complained before our masters about Rabbi Ishmael, saying: rebuke my son Ishmael, for he does not treat me with honor. The faces of our masters fell; they said, is it possible that Rabbi Ishmael does not honor his parents? They said to her: what did he do? She said: when he comes from the house of study and I wish to wash his feet and drink the water, he will not let me. They said: since it is her wish, that is her honor. Rabbi Zeira would grieve greatly, saying: would that I had a father and mother to honor, that I might inherit the Garden of Eden. When he heard these matters he said: blessed be the Merciful One that I have no father and mother - had I been like Rabbi Tarfon I could not have done it, and had I been like Rabbi Ishmael I could not have done it. Rabbi Avun said: I am exempt from honoring father and mother, for when his mother conceived him his father died, and when she bore him his mother died.