In the Book of Deuteronomy (Devarim), specifically Sifrei Devarim 197, we find a fascinating passage about who is exempt from going to war. It’s not just the obvious cases – the newly married, the man who built a house but hasn’t lived in it, or the one who planted a vineyard but hasn’t tasted its fruit. There’s another category: "Who is the man that fears and that is soft of heart?"
But what does that mean?
R. Yossi Haglili offers a beautiful interpretation. He suggests that the Torah is concerned with a person's dignity. Imagine someone wants to avoid war because they're wracked with guilt over their past transgressions. Instead of exposing their shame, the Torah provides a graceful exit. God, according to R. Yossi, is so considerate of human dignity that the reason for their returning is attributed to more acceptable reasons. "Come and see how the L-rd was solicitous of one's dignity, Scripture attributing (his returning) to all of these (aforementioned) things to salvage the dignity of one who returns because of faint-heartedness — so that they say of him: Perhaps he (is returning because) he built a house or planted a vineyard or betrothed a woman."
So, people might assume he’s just eager to enjoy his new home, his vineyard, or his new marriage. He’s spared the embarrassment, and his dignity remains intact.
But R. Akiva takes a more literal approach. He believes "that fears and that is faint of heart" refers to someone genuinely terrified of battle, someone who "cannot stand in the ranks of battle and behold the drawn sword." He can't handle the stress of combat. And unlike the others who need proof of their claims (the house, the vineyard, etc.), the fearful man’s proof is inherent. "He hears the clashing of the shields and takes fright; the whinnying of the horses, and shakes; the blaring of the trumpets, and panics." The fear is palpable, undeniable.
Then R. Yossi Haglili offers yet another perspective. He suggests that "that fears and that is soft of heart" could refer to someone who is forty or older. Now, why would age matter? He explains that even the bravest and strongest man, if he is "merciful" – if he is "soft-hearted" – he should return home. "If it is already written 'that fears,' why need it be added 'and that is soft of heart'? To teach that even the bravest of the brave and the strongest of the strong — if he is merciful (i.e., 'soft-hearted'), he returns, as it is written 'and not melt the heart of his brothers as his own heart.'"
The concern isn’t just about physical bravery, but about the potential to undermine the morale of others. A compassionate heart, sensitive to the suffering around him, might "melt the heart" of his fellow soldiers, weakening their resolve.
So, what do we take away from this? It seems that true strength isn't just about physical prowess or a lack of fear. It's about self-awareness, recognizing one's limitations, and understanding the impact we have on others. It's about compassion and the ability to empathize. Maybe, just maybe, true heroism lies not in the absence of fear, but in the courage to acknowledge it and act accordingly. Are we brave enough to admit our fears and choose a path that honors both our own well-being and the well-being of those around us? It's a question worth pondering.