The ancient rabbis grappled with this very question. In Vayikra Rabbah, a collection of rabbinic homilies on the Book of Leviticus, they explore a fascinating connection between holiness and…well, sexual restraint. It might sound surprising, but let's delve in.
Rabbi Yehuda ben Pazi asks a compelling question: why is the section on forbidden sexual relations placed right next to the verse commanding us to "be holy" (Leviticus 19:2)? His answer? "It is to teach you that everywhere that you find restraint from forbidden sexual relations, you find holiness." Holiness isn’t some abstract concept, but something woven into the fabric of our everyday choices, particularly in how we conduct our most personal relationships.
Rabbi Yehuda ben Pazi doubles down on this, stating that anyone who restrains themselves is called holy. To illustrate, Rabbi Yehoshua ben Levi brings up the story of the Shunamite woman from II Kings 4:9. Remember her? She recognized Elisha, the man of God, and declared, "Behold now, I know that the man of God is holy!"
But what made her say that? Rabbi Yona suggests that maybe Elisha was holy, but his attendants weren't. He points to the moment when Gehazi, Elisha's servant, tried to push her away (II Kings 4:27). Rabbi Yosei bar Ḥanina interprets this "pushing away" [lehodfah] as a reaction to her beauty and presence.
Then comes Rabbi Aivun, who offers a different perspective: the Shunamite woman called Elisha holy because he had never even looked at her in an inappropriate way. The Rabbis add another layer, saying she never found any trace of semen on his sheets! It's a striking image, emphasizing purity and self-control. As the maidservant of Rabbi Yishmael bar Rav Yitzḥak observed, she never found anything untoward on her master's garments, highlighting his exceptional conduct.
The connection is driven home with references to other verses. For example, Leviticus 21:7 states that priests shouldn’t marry a “licentious woman or a profaned woman." This is immediately followed by, "You shall sanctify him, for he offers the food of your God, [he shall be holy to you]" (Leviticus 21:8). See the pattern? Restraint, purity, holiness.
Similarly, Leviticus 21:14-15 prohibits a priest from marrying a widow, divorcee, or a profaned woman, lest he "profane his offspring." Again, the theme of maintaining purity to achieve holiness.
Rabbi Yehoshua ben Levi reiterates the initial point, hammering home the idea that restraint regarding forbidden relations leads to holiness. It’s not just about following rules, but about cultivating a mindful and respectful approach to intimacy.
So, what does this all mean for us today? Perhaps it's a reminder that holiness isn't some unattainable ideal reserved for saints and prophets. Maybe, just maybe, it's found in the everyday choices we make, in the way we treat others, and in the boundaries we set for ourselves. It's a potent reminder that even in the most intimate aspects of our lives, we have the opportunity to choose holiness.