We see that play out in the story of Jacob and Laban. In Genesis 29:14, we read, "Laban said to him: Indeed, you are my bone and my flesh, and he stayed with him a month’s time." But what’s really going on behind those words?
According to Bereshit Rabbah, that seemingly warm welcome wasn’t so simple. Laban, seeing Jacob arrive empty-handed, says, "Indeed, you are my bone and my flesh..." but the Midrash interprets this as Laban thinking, "I was thinking to render you a king over me, but now that you have nothing with you, ‘indeed, you are my bone and my flesh.’ I will strip you bare like this bone." Ouch. That's quite a shift in tone, isn't it? From potential royalty to…well, stripped bare.
Then comes the line, "He stayed with him a month’s time." Rabbi Ami points out something fascinating here: "The Torah teaches you etiquette. For how long must a person tend to his relatives? It is up to a month." So, even amidst the family drama, there's a lesson in proper behavior. Kind of like saying, "Okay, things are messy, but at least be a decent guest (or host) for a month!"
But the story doesn't end there. "Laban said to Jacob: Because you are my brother, shall you work for me for nothing? Tell me, what is your salary?” (Genesis 29:15). Sounds reasonable, right? Bereshit Rabbah challenges that assumption. The text asks, "Is that possible? Did Laban really plan on paying Jacob fairly for his work?"
The answer, according to the Midrash, is a resounding no. Instead, Laban's idea of fair payment was more like, "If he performed a task for ten silver coins, he would give him five silver coins, and if his delivery was worth six silver pieces, he would give him three silver pieces." Talk about a bad deal!
So, what was Jacob's response? According to the Midrash, "What do you think, that I came because I want your money? I came only because of your two young women.” In other words, Jacob knew exactly what Laban was up to. It wasn't about the money; it was about something else entirely.
This little snippet from Bereshit Rabbah gives us a glimpse into the complexities of family relationships, the importance of etiquette, and the often-murky waters of fair dealing. It makes you wonder, doesn't it? How often do we mask our true intentions behind seemingly kind words? And how often do we see through the charade?