Well, Jewish tradition offers a powerful, and frankly heartbreaking, story about just such a predicament involving Moses himself.
The text we're diving into today comes from Devarim Rabbah, a collection of homiletic teachings on the Book of Deuteronomy (Devarim in Hebrew). It grapples with a tough question: Why was Moses told of his impending death using the word hen, meaning "behold"? The verse in question reads, "Behold, your days are approaching" (Deuteronomy 31:14). Why that word?
The Rabbis, in their insightful way, offer a parable. Imagine a loyal subject presenting a king with a magnificent, sharp sword as a gift. Instead of gratitude, the king orders the subject's execution by that very sword! "My lord," the subject cries, "you're beheading me with the very thing I used to honor you?"
This, the Rabbis suggest, is similar to Moses' plea. According to the text in Devarim Rabbah, Moses argues with God. He says, "Master of the universe, I lauded you with hen! As it is written: 'Behold, to the Lord your God are the heavens, and the heavens of heavens…' (Deuteronomy 10:14). And now, with that very word, you decree my death?"
It's a powerful image. Moses is pointing to a time when he used hen to acknowledge God's greatness, and now that same word is being used to signal his end. It feels… unfair, doesn’t it? So, how does God respond?
The Holy One, blessed be He, replies with a saying: "A bad neighbor sees the incomes but does not see the expenditures." Ouch. It’s a sharp rebuke, implying that Moses is only focusing on the good he's done, not the times he’s fallen short.
God continues, saying: "Do you not remember when I sent you to redeem them from Egypt, and you said to me: 'But, behold, they will not believe me'?" (Exodus 4:1). God is reminding Moses of his initial hesitation, his lack of faith when first called to lead the Israelites out of slavery. That initial "behold," that moment of doubt, is now being brought back into the equation.
Ginzberg, in his monumental work Legends of the Jews, expands on Moses’ initial reluctance, painting a portrait of a leader burdened by self-doubt and aware of his own limitations. This makes God's response all the more poignant.
The implication is clear: Moses' life, like all lives, wasn't a perfect, unblemished offering. There were moments of greatness, yes, but also moments of doubt and hesitation.
What are we to make of this? This passage isn't just about linguistic gymnastics or divine retribution. It's about the complexities of our relationship with the Divine, the understanding that even our best intentions can be intertwined with imperfections. It's a reminder that even the greatest among us, like Moses, are still human, with flaws and doubts that shape their journey. And perhaps, it's a comfort to know that even in those moments of doubt, we are still called to serve.