I've got a story for you, tucked away in Midrash Tehillim 59, that’s a real head-scratcher. It involves Rabbi Akiva, his son, and a rather unusual wedding night.
The tale begins with Rabbi Akiva's son marrying a woman. Now, what do you think he did when she entered his house? Did he celebrate? Did they get to know each other? Nope. He stood all night and read from the Torah! He even asked his wife, addressing her as "Grandmother," to bring him his sandals so he could continue studying. Night after night, she dutifully brought him his sandals while he studied until dawn. She, in turn, would open a book and read it from cover to cover.
Can you imagine?
The next morning, Rabbi Akiva, ever the observant father, approached his son and asked, "Did you find something or not?" His son replied, "I found something." To which Rabbi Akiva responded, "If one finds a wife, he finds goodness." It's an intriguing statement, especially given the… unconventional start to their marriage. What "goodness" was he referring to? Perhaps the dedication of his son, or the patience of his new daughter-in-law? It's left open to interpretation, isn't it?
But that's not all! The Midrash doesn’t stop there. It offers another interpretation of the saying, "If one finds a wife, he finds goodness," linking it to the story of Michal, the daughter of Saul, and her love for David.
Remember that dramatic scene from the Book of Samuel? Saul, consumed by jealousy, sends men to David's house to kill him. As we find in Midrash Rabbah, this is what prompts the verse "To the chief musician, 'Do not destroy.'" So how did David escape Saul's clutches?
Rabbi Ibu and other rabbis offer slightly different accounts, but the core of the story remains the same. One version suggests David had two doors, escaping through the unguarded one. Another, perhaps even more dramatic, says he had only one door, heavily guarded. So, what did Michal do? She took a teraphim – a statue, sometimes considered a household idol – and placed it in David's bed, covering it with a blanket. When Saul's messengers arrived, she claimed David was sick and couldn't be disturbed.
Deception! Intrigue! It's all there!
But the deception doesn't end there. To make the ruse more convincing, she put goat's hair under the statue’s head, as it is written, "And Michal took the statue." Saul, unconvinced, ordered them to bring David, bed and all. And what did they find? The statue!
Needless to say, Saul was furious. He accused Michal of betraying him and helping his enemy escape. But Michal, ever resourceful, retorted that Saul had threatened her life if she didn't help David. The text tells us that because of her fear, she trembled and fainted, as it is written, "And the queen was greatly troubled."
The Midrash then takes a fascinating turn, connecting Michal's defiance to the symbolism of a calf that refuses to accept a yoke, referencing 2 Samuel 3:5: 'And the sixth [son's] name was Yitream, born to David from his wife, Ahinoam the Yizre'elite.' This, the Midrash claims, is Michal. Just as the calf doesn't accept a yoke, so Michal did not accept a yoke from her father, but she reprimanded him.
So, what are we to make of these two stories? The son who studies Torah all night, and the wife who bravely deceives her father to save her husband? Both are framed as examples of finding "goodness" in marriage. Perhaps the Midrash is suggesting that goodness isn't always found in conventional romance or obedience. Maybe it's found in dedication, even if that dedication takes an unusual form. Maybe it's found in loyalty and bravery, even when it means defying authority.
Ultimately, these stories, like so many in Jewish tradition, leave us with more questions than answers. They invite us to ponder the complexities of relationships, the nature of goodness, and the often-unexpected ways these things manifest in our lives. What does finding "goodness" in a relationship mean to you?