God Makes Matches

Rav Shmuel bar Rav Yitzchak said: When Reish Lakish would open his exposition of tractate Sotah, he would say this: A wife is matched to a man only according to his deeds, as it is said: "For the rod of wickedness shall not rest upon the lot of the righteous" (Psalms 125:3). Rabbah bar bar Chana said that Rabbi Yochanan said: And pairing them is as difficult as the splitting of the Red Sea, as it is said: "God sets the solitary in a home, He brings out prisoners into prosperity" (Psalms 68:7). Is that so? But Rav Yehudah said that Rav said: Forty days before the formation of the embryo a heavenly voice goes forth and says: The daughter of so-and-so is for so-and-so, the house of so-and-so is for so-and-so, the field of so-and-so is for so-and-so! This is not difficult: this case refers to a first match, and that case refers to a second match.

אָמַר רַב שְׁמוּאֵל בַּר רַב יִצְחָק: כִּי הֲוָה פָּתַח רֵישׁ לָקִישׁ בְּסוֹטָה, אָמַר הָכִי: אֵין מְזַוְּוגִין לוֹ לְאָדָם אִשָּׁה אֶלָּא לְפִי מַעֲשָׂיו, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: ״כִּי לֹא יָנוּחַ שֵׁבֶט הָרֶשַׁע עַל גּוֹרַל הַצַּדִּיקִים״. אָמַר רַבָּה בַּר בַּר חָנָה אָמַר רַבִּי יוֹחָנָן: וְקָשִׁין לְזַוְּוגָן כִּקְרִיעַת יַם סוּף, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: ״אֱלֹהִים מוֹשִׁיב יְחִידִים בַּיְתָה מוֹצִיא אֲסִירִים בַּכּוֹשָׁרוֹת״. אִינִי? וְהָא אָמַר רַב יְהוּדָה אָמַר רַב: אַרְבָּעִים יוֹם קוֹדֶם יְצִירַת הַוָּלָד בַּת קוֹל יוֹצֵאת וְאוֹמֶרֶת: בַּת פְּלוֹנִי לִפְלוֹנִי, בֵּית פְּלוֹנִי לִפְלוֹנִי, שְׂדֵה פְלוֹנִי לִפְלוֹנִי! לָא קַשְׁיָא: הָא — בְּזוּג רִאשׁוֹן, הָא — בְּזוּג שֵׁנִי.

Commentary

This myth answers the question of what God has been doing since He completed the creation of the world — He has been making matches, and each one is a difficult task, as difficult to make as parting the waters of the Red Sea (if any task can be considered difficult for God). This makes God a shadkhan— a matchmaker. This myth also explains the Jewish concept of bashert, in which it is believed that each person has a bashert or destined one, and that the match was made in heaven. Such a belief made it easier to accept the matches that in practice were made by parents, usually with considerations of status and wealth rather than of any romantic factors. According to the Zohar, all souls are initially male and female. But when they are bom into this world, the male and female parts of the soul go their separate ways, the male soul in a male body and the female soul in a female body. If they are worthy, they will unite in marriage, restoring their original unity. That is why a person's loved one is called a soulmate, for together they form a single unit in every way, body and soul.

Themes

Original Sources

Biblical References

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