But even kings, even the "sweet singer of Israel," aren't immune to mistakes. And one mistake, in particular, almost cost him everything: the census.

Now, you might be thinking, what’s so bad about counting people? It sounds pretty innocuous, right? Well, as we find in the biblical narrative and expanded upon in the Legends of the Jews by Louis Ginzberg, David’s decision to conduct a census was a direct act of defiance against divine law. The Torah, the first five books of the Hebrew Bible, contains passages that suggest counting the people is a prerogative reserved for God alone, or at least to be done only under very specific circumstances.

Joab, David’s general, was deeply troubled by the king’s insistence. He knew this was a dangerous path. He tried, with all his might, to dissuade David. Imagine the scene: the loyal general, risking the king’s displeasure, pleading against an order he knew was wrong. But David, in his resolve, was unyielding. "Either thou art king and I am the general, or I am king and thou art the general," he declared, leaving Joab with no choice but to obey.

So, Joab, reluctantly, began the task. According to Ginzberg, drawing on various rabbinic traditions, he even tried to sabotage the effort! He started with the tribe of Gad, known for their independence and strong will, hoping they would resist and halt the entire process. But they didn’t.

Then, he moved on to the tribe of Dan, a tribe that, according to tradition, had a history of idolatry. Joab perhaps reasoned that if divine punishment were to strike, it should fall on them, not the entire nation. The Midrash, in various places, often explores the concept of collective responsibility and how leaders bear a heavier burden.

Joab dragged his feet, taking nine months to complete a task that could have been done much faster. He also, in his own way, tried to mitigate the potential damage. Ginzberg’s Legends tells us that Joab warned people about the census, advising families to conceal some of their sons. Following the precedent set by Moses himself, Joab also excluded the Levites, the priestly tribe, from the count. He also left out the tribe of Benjamin, a tribe that had already suffered greatly in the past, fearing further devastation.

In the end, David never even received an accurate count. Joab, distrusting of the king's motives, prepared two lists, intending to present only a partial count if he sensed that David was unaware of the deception.

Why all this subterfuge? Because Joab understood the gravity of the situation. He knew that David’s actions were not just a matter of counting heads, but a challenge to God’s authority. He forseaw the potential for divine wrath, a concept often explored in the Talmud and Midrash.

The story of David’s census is a powerful reminder that even the most righteous individuals can stumble. It's also a testament to the courage of those who are willing to stand up to authority, even at great personal risk. Joab's actions, though born of disobedience, were ultimately motivated by a desire to protect his people. And perhaps, in that act of defiance, there was a glimmer of true loyalty. So, what do we make of a story like this? Does the end justify the means? Was Joab right to subvert the king's orders? These are questions worth pondering, questions that continue to resonate even today.