A strange and satirical medieval text composed between 700 and 1000 CE, three people in all of history were born without their parents having relations. Three. Ben Sira, Rav Papa, and Rabbi Zeira. The Talmud records that Rav Papa and Rabbi Zeira were men of astonishing piety, they never spoke idle words, never slept in the study hall, never arrived late, never gave their colleagues nasty nicknames, and never accepted gifts. They fulfilled the verse from (Proverbs 8:22): "I endow those who love me with substance; I will fill their treasuries."
Ben Sira's origin story is the wildest of the three. His mother was the daughter of the prophet Yirmiyahu (Jeremiah). One day, Yirmiyahu went to the bathhouse and found wicked men from the tribe of Ephraim engaging in sinful behavior. When he rebuked them, they turned on him. They threatened him with violence unless he did as they did. Terrified, the prophet complied under duress. He left cursing the day he was born, echoing his own words from (Jeremiah 20:14): "Accursed be the day that I was born!" He fasted 248 fasts in penance, one for every organ in the human body.
The seed Yirmiyahu left behind was somehow "guarded" until his own daughter came to the same bathhouse. She conceived, and seven months later gave birth to a boy who already had teeth. And could talk.
The newborn immediately consoled his mortified mother: "Why are you ashamed? I am the son of Sira." When she asked who Sira was, the infant explained through gematria (numerology) that "Sira" and "Yirmiyahu" have the same numerical value. He wouldn't say "I am the son of Yirmiyahu" directly, that would imply something shameful. Instead, he compared his father's situation to Lot's daughters: both righteous men who acted only under extreme compulsion.
His mother was stunned. "How do you know these things?" Ben Sira's answer? He was simply following in his father's footsteps. Yirmiyahu himself had spoken from the womb, refusing to be born until the prophet Eliyahu arrived and told him his true name. "Just as he emerged speaking, I also emerged speaking," Ben Sira declared. "Just as he wrote an alphabetical acrostic book, I will write one too."
The infant then refused his mother's breast, demanding instead fine bread, fatty meat, and aged wine. He told her to sew garments and sell them, quoting (Proverbs 31:24): "She makes cloth and sells it." She did exactly that for a full year. Then Ben Sira demanded to be taken to the synagogue, where he outwitted a teacher who tried to turn him away for being too young. "The day is short, and the work is plentiful," Ben Sira shot back, quoting Pirkei Avot. "I've seen children smaller than me in the cemetery. Who knows if I'll live or die?" The teacher, defeated, finally said: "Say Aleph." And so the alphabet. And the real teaching, began.
Another Alphabet of ben Sira It is written, (Job 9:10) "Who performs great deeds which cannot be fathomed, And wondrous things without number." Come and see how great are the Holy Blessed One's deeds! Since it says, "Who performs great deeds which cannot be fathomed," why does it also say "And wondrous things without number"? And since it says "And wondrous things without number," why does it also say "Who performs great deeds which cannot be fathomed"? How have the Sages interpreted it? "Who performs great deeds which cannot be fathomed," refers to all the created beings in the world, "And wondrous things without number," refers to the three beings who were born without their parents having mortal sex. And these are they: Ben Sira, Rav Papa, and Rabbi Zeira. (The "Yuchasin" brings the matter regarding Rabbi Judah the Pious's father, see further Tzemach David Part 1 1:448) They are all completely righteous ones, and wise, and great Torah scholars. And they said about Rabbi Zeria and Rav Papa that they never once spoke of worldly matters; and never slept in the Hall of Study, neither fully sleeping nor napping; and nobody ever showed up to the Hall of Study earlier than they did; and nobody ever found them sitting quietly instead of sitting and reciting Torah; and they never missed Kiddush; and they never gave their friends nasty nicknames; and never took honor from their friends' shame; and never even cursed their friends from their beds; and never looked at the image of an evil person; and didn't accept gifts; and these two both fulfill what is said: (Proverbs 8:22) "I endow those who love me with substance; I will fill their treasuries." (The Talmud lists these qualities about other Sages, see further in Megillah 27b-28a.) And how did their mothers give birth without husbands? They said: Once they went to the bathhouse, and some seed from an Israelite entered their bellies, and they conceived and gave birth from this, without knowing who their fathers were. But Ben Sira's father was known to him! How did his mother give birth without a husband's intercourse? They said about her that she was the daughter of Yirmiyahu. Once, Yirmiyahu went to the bathhouse, and found there evildoers from the tribe of Ephraim, and he saw that they were all wasting their seed, because the whole tribe of Ephraim in that generation were evildoers, as it is written about them that they did what was wrong in God's eyes. And when he saw them, he began to rebuke them. Immediately, they rose up against him, and said, "Why are you rebuking us? We swear by the road to Bethlehem that you will not leave here until you do what we are doing." He said to them, "Leave me alone and I will swear to you that I will never reveal this situation." They said to him, "Didn't Tzidkiyahu see Nevuchadnetzar eating a live rabbit, and swear to him in God's name that he would not reveal his secret, and then nullify that oath? (Nedarim 65b, Eicha Rabbah s.v.: "they sit on the ground") You will do the same thing! But now, if you do what we are doing, good, and not, we will do the Sodomite act to you, like our ancestors did for idolatrous purposes. If they did it for idolatry, how much more so should we do it to you!" Immediately, he did it, out of great terror and fear of them. When he began leaving there, he started to curse his birthday, saying (Jeremiah 20:14) "Accursed be the day That I was born!" He left there, and fasted for this incident 248 fasts, parallel to all the organs of a man. And the drop that came from that righteous man was guarded until that righteous man's own daughter came to the bathhouse, and it entered her belly. At seven months, she gave birth to a son who had teeth and could speak, and once she gave birth, she developed shame around people, because they would say that she gave birth through promiscuity. The child opened his mouth and said to his mother, "Why are you ashamed around people? I am the son of Sira." She said, "Who is Sira?" He said, "Yirmiyahu, and the reason he is called Sira is because he is the officer (sar) over all officers, and because he will ultimately name all officers and kings, and when you calculate 'Sira' and 'Yirmiyahu' in numerical values, they are equal." She said to him, "My son, if this is true, you should have said, 'I am the son of Yirmiyahu.'" He said to her, "I would have wanted to say that, but it is a shameful thing, saying that Yirmiyahu has had sex with his daughter." She said to him, "My son, is it not written (Ecclesiastes 1:9) "Only that shall happen Which has happened," and who has ever seen a daughter have a child by her father?" He said to her, "My mother, (Ecclesiastes 1:9) 'There is nothing new Beneath the sun!' Just as Lot was a completely righteous man, my father is also a completely righteous man. Just like Lot did it under compulsion, my father also had this done under compulsion." She said to him, "I am stunned by you. How do you know these things?" He said to her, "Do not be stunned by me, because there is nothing new beneath the sun. The same thing occurred with my father Yirmiyahu when his mother was kneeling to give birth- he opened his mouth, and my father called from his mother's innards, and said, 'I will not leave until you tell me my name.' His father opened his mouth and said, 'Come out, and your name will be Avraham' and he said, 'That is not my name.' He said, 'Come out, and your name will be Yitzchak...' and then Yaakov and all the tribes, and all the men of that generation, and he kept saying, 'That is not my name.' Until Eliyahu of Blessed Memory arrived there, and said, 'Your name will be Yirmiyah, because in your days the Holy Blessed One will establish an enemy to raise (yarim) his hand against Jerusalem.' He said, 'That is my name. And you, who told me my name, let your name be my name- let me have "yahu" from your name, and call me Yirmi-yahu.' Just as he was emerged speaking, I also emerged speaking; just as he emerged with prophecy from his mother's innards, as it is said, (Jeremiah 1:5) 'Before I created you in the womb, I selected you'; just as he wrote an alphabetical acrostic book (Eicha), I also will write an alphabetical acrostic book, so not do not but stunned by my speech." She said, "My son, do not say it, so the Evil Eye will not reign over you!" He said to her, "The Evil Eye has no permission to reign over me, so now do not keep talking to me, for I am going to do what my father did. It is about me that it is said, (Ketubot 63a) 'One ewe follows another,' and a son follows his father's deeds." She said to him, "My son, why are you stopping me from talking?" He said, "Because you know that I am hungry, and you do not let me eat anything." She said to him, "Here are breasts for you- eat your food and drink your drink." He said to her, "I have no interest in your breasts. Rather, go and sift through flour like a hen, knead fine bread and fatty meat, and old wine, and you must eat together with me." She said to him, "But how could I buy things like this?" He said to her, "Make clothes and sell them, and the verse will be upheld for you: (Proverbs 31:24) 'She makes cloth and sells it.' and if you support me, the verse (Proverbs 31:29), 'Many women have done well, But you surpass them all' will be true." She began to make clothes and sell them, and she would bring him bread and fatty meat, and old wine, and she supported him for one year. And after that year, he said to her, "Bring me to the synagogue," so she brought him to the house of one educator who had seven daughters. He sat beside him, and said to him, "Rabbi, teach me Torah!" He said to him, "You are not yet eligible to study, because you are so small, and our Sages z"l said (Pirkei Avot 5:21): 'A child of five should study Written Torah.'" Ben Sira said to him, "And have you not learned that (Pirkei Avot 2:15) 'the day is short, and the work is plentiful'? And you are telling me 'Sit and do not learn yet because you are so small,' while I see in the cemetery those smaller than me who have died, and who knows what will be, whether I will live or I will die?" The educator said to him, "What, are you my teacher? Haven't our Sages z"l said: "Anyone who teaches halacha in front of their Rabbi is liable for the death penalty'?" He said to him, "So far, you are not my Rabbi and so far, I have learned nothing from you." The educator said to Ben Sira, "Say, 'Aleph.'" He responded to him, saying:
