Honoring Father and Mother as Partners With the Holy One

"Honor your father and your mother" (Exodus 20:12). Our Rabbis taught: It says "Honor your father," and it says "Honor the LORD from your wealth" (Proverbs 3:9). Scripture thus equated the honor of father and mother to the honor of the Omnipresent. It says "Each of you shall fear his mother and his father" (Leviticus 19:3), and it says "You shall fear the LORD your God" (Deuteronomy 6:13). Scripture thus equated the fear of father and mother to the fear of the Omnipresent. It says "One who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death" (Exodus 21:17), and it says "A man who curses his God" (Leviticus 24:15). Scripture thus equated the cursing of father and mother to the cursing of the Omnipresent. But concerning striking it is not possible [to equate them, for one may not strike God], and this is reasonable, because the three of them are partners in him. Our Rabbis taught: There are three partners in a person, the Holy One, blessed be He, his father, and his mother. When a person honors his father and his mother, the Holy One, blessed be He, says: I credit it to them as though I dwelt among them and they honored Me. And when a person grieves his father and his mother, the Holy One, blessed be He, says: I did well that I did not dwell among them, for had I dwelt among them they would have grieved Me. It was taught, Rabbi says: It is revealed and known before the One who spoke and the world came into being that a son honors his mother more than his father, because she coaxes him with words; therefore Scripture placed the honor of the father before the honor of the mother. The son of a widow asked Rabbi Eliezer: My father says, "Give me water to drink," and my mother says, "Give me water to drink"; which of them comes first? He said to him: Set aside the honor of your mother and perform the honor of your father, for you and your mother are both obligated in the honor of your father. He came before Rabbi Yehoshua, who said to him the same. He asked: If she is divorced, what then? He said to him: From between your eyelashes it is evident that you are a widow's son; throw them water in a basin and let them squawk for it like roosters. They asked Rabbi Eliezer: How far does the honor of father and mother extend? He said to them: Go out and see what a certain gentile did for his father in Ashkelon, and Dama ben Netina was his name. Once they sought from him stones for the ephod at a profit of six hundred thousand (and Rav Kahana taught: eight hundred thousand), and the key was lying under his father's head, and he would not disturb him. The next year the Holy One, blessed be He, gave him his reward: a red heifer was born in his herd. The sages of Israel came in to him. He said to them: I know about you that if I ask of you all the money in the world you would give it to me; but now I ask of you only that money which I lost on account of my father. Rabbi Chanina said: If one who is not commanded yet does so acts thus, how much more so one who is commanded and does it. When Rav Dimi came he said: Once he was dressed in a garment of gold woven cloth and was sitting among the great men of Rome, and his mother came and tore it off him and slapped him on the head and spat in his face, and he did not shame her. Avimi the son of Rabbi Abbahu taught: There is one who feeds his father pheasant and drives him from the world, and there is one who grinds him at the mill and brings him to the life of the World to Come. Rabbi Abbahu said: For example, my son Avimi fulfilled the commandment of honor. Avimi had five ordained sons, and when his father came and called at the door he himself would run and go open it for him, saying "Yes, yes," until he reached there. One day his father said to him, "Give me water to drink"; by the time he brought it, the father had dozed off. He bent over and stood above him until he awoke. The matter aided him, and Avimi expounded "A Psalm of Asaph" (Psalms 79). Rabbi Tarfon had an aged mother, and whenever she wished to climb onto her bed he would bend down and let her climb upon him, and when she came down she came down upon him. He went and was boasting of this in the study hall. They said to him: You have not yet reached half of the honor due. Has she ever thrown your purse into the sea and you did not shame her? Rav Yosef, when he would hear the sound of his mother's footstep, would say: Let me rise before the Divine Presence that is coming. Rabbi Yochanan said: Happy is one who has never seen them [his parents, for he is spared the impossibility of honoring them fully]. Our Rabbis taught: He honors him in his lifetime, he honors him in his death. In his lifetime, how? One who is sent on his father's business to a place should not say "Send me for my own sake, hurry me for my own sake, release me for my own sake," but rather all of it "for my father's sake." In his death, how? When he reports a teaching in his father's name, he should not say "Thus said my father," but rather "Thus said my father my master, may I be an atonement for his resting place." This applies within twelve months; from then on he says "his memory is for the life of the World to Come." Our Rabbis taught: What is fear and what is honor? Fear: he does not stand in his place, nor sit in his place, nor contradict his words, nor decide against him. Honor: he feeds and gives him drink, clothes and covers him, brings him in and takes him out. If his father was transgressing words of Torah, he should not say to him "Father, you have transgressed words of Torah," but rather he should say to him "Father, a verse is written in the Torah thus." Elazar ben Matya says: If my father says "Give me water to drink" and there is a commandment to perform, I set aside the honor of my father and perform the commandment, for both my father and I are obligated in the commandment. Issi ben Yehudah says: If it is possible to perform it through others, let it be performed through others; and the law follows Issi ben Yehudah. Rabbi Shimon ben Yochai says: Great is the honor of father and mother, for the Omnipresent preferred it even over His own honor. It says "Honor the LORD from your wealth" (Proverbs 3:9): one separates gleanings, forgotten sheaves, and the corner of the field; one separates priestly portion, first tithe, poor tithe, and dough offering; one makes a sukkah, a lulav, a shofar, fringes; one feeds the hungry and gives drink to the thirsty. If you have means you are obligated in all of them, and if you have no means you are not obligated in even one of them. But when it comes to honoring father and mother, whether you have means or not, "Honor your father and your mother," even if you must go around begging at doors. Rabbi Yannai and Rabbi Yonatan were sitting. A certain man came and kissed the feet of Rabbi Yonatan. Rabbi Yannai said to him: What good thing has he done for you? He said to him: Once he complained to me that his son would not support him, and I said to him, Cry out about him in the synagogue and shame him. He said to him: And why did you not compel him? He said to him: And does one compel? He said to him: Yes, one compels a son to support the father.