We’re often told to be good listeners, to value the opinions of those around us. But what happens when those opinions lead us astray? Or, conversely, what if listening to someone – even someone unexpected – is exactly what we need to do?

The book of Devarim Rabbah, a collection of rabbinic teachings on the book of Deuteronomy, dives right into this question, exploring the idea that "there is no person who heeds Me and loses.” The Rabbis then playfully complicate things, pointing out that sometimes we heed our wives and lose, and sometimes we heed our wives and gain.

Let's start with the cautionary tale, the classic example of heeding your wife and losing out: Adam. The story, as we know it from Genesis, recounts how God commanded Adam not to eat from the Tree of Knowledge. But Eve, tempted by the serpent, ate from the tree and then offered the fruit to Adam. And, well, he listened.

Devarim Rabbah expands on this familiar narrative. Rabbi Yitzchak uses a vivid parable to illustrate Adam's mistake. Imagine a king who tells his servant not to eat until he returns. The servant's wife, thinking she's being helpful, offers him a tasty dish, worried he might need salt or fish gravy later. The king returns, sees the servant licking his lips, and is understandably upset. The servant blames his wife, but the king retorts, "And you heeded my maidservant more than me?"

The parallel to Adam is clear. God commanded Adam, "But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, you shall not eat of it" (Genesis 2:17). Rabbi Avin adds a poignant detail: Eve didn't just ask Adam to eat; she wept and wailed, using her voice to persuade him. It wasn't just her words, but the emotional power behind them. And as the text pointedly notes, "The words of your wife' is not written here, but rather, 'the voice of your wife.'" When God confronts Adam, Adam blames Eve: "The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me from the tree, and I ate" (Genesis 3:12). The consequence, of course, is expulsion from the Garden of Eden. He heeded his wife and lost paradise.

But the story doesn't end there. There's a counter-example, a case where heeding your wife leads to positive outcomes. This is the story of Abraham and Sarah.

As we read in Genesis, Sarah, unable to conceive, suggests that Abraham have a child with her maidservant, Hagar. "Sarai said to Abram: Please, behold, the Lord has kept me from bearing; please, consort with my maidservant; perhaps I shall be built through her. Abram heeded the voice of Sarai" (Genesis 16:2).

Later, as we know, tension arises between Sarah and Hagar, and especially between their sons, Isaac and Ishmael. Sarah sees Ishmael’s negative influence and urges Abraham to send Hagar and Ishmael away. This is incredibly difficult for Abraham. He loves his son, Ishmael. But God intervenes, telling Abraham, "Do not be distressed about the lad and about your maidservant; everything that Sarah says to you, heed her voice…" (Genesis 21:12).

Rabbi Shmuel bar Naḥman provides a parable to illuminate this situation. Imagine a father whose son is predicted by an astrologer to become a robber. The astrologer's own father advises the boy's father to heed his son's warning. Similarly, Sarah foresaw that Ishmael was taking to evil ways and urged Abraham to banish him.

Abraham listens to Sarah, and the result is that the lineage continues through Isaac. "For it is through Isaac that descendants will be accounted to you" (Genesis 21:12). He heeded her voice and gained.

So, what’s the takeaway here? It's not simply "listen to your wife" or "don't listen to your wife." The lesson is more nuanced. It's about discerning when to listen and when not to. It's about understanding the source of the advice, the motivations behind it, and the potential consequences.

The text concludes with a powerful statement: "The Holy One blessed be He said: ‘If one who heeded his wife is so rewarded, one who heeds Me, all the more so.’ King Solomon came and articulated it: “But one who heeds me will reside securely and tranquilly, without fear of evil” (Proverbs 1:33)."

Ultimately, the message is about aligning ourselves with a higher purpose, with a sense of what is right and just. Listening to others can be valuable, even essential, but it should always be tempered by our own moral compass and our connection to something greater than ourselves. Perhaps the real question isn’t who we listen to, but why.