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Naomi Turned Ruth Away Three Times and Ruth Refused

The rabbis say Naomi was not being kind when she told Ruth to go home. She was testing her. Three refusals is the law and Ruth passed every one.

Curated by Arthur · Told by Maggid ·
Table of Contents
  1. Why Three Times
  2. The Marketplace They Would Not Fit Into
  3. The Third Refusal and What Ruth Said
  4. What Made Her Pass

On the road out of Moab, Naomi turned around and told her two widowed daughters-in-law to go back.

Go back to your mother's house. Go back to your own gods. I am too old to give you new husbands. I am too broken and too empty to be what you need. The scene has always been read as a wounded old woman trying to spare two younger women a wasted life. The rabbis did not read it that way at all.

Why Three Times

The Yalkut Shimoni, the medieval compilation of rabbinic material assembled by Rabbi Shimon HaDarshan in thirteenth-century Germany from earlier Talmudic and midrashic sources, opens its treatment of the book of Ruth with a question that bites. Why did Naomi tell them to turn back at all? The plain reading says she was being generous. The Yalkut says no. She was following the rule.

The rule for a convert is that you turn them away. Not once. Three times. The prospective convert must be refused three times before they are accepted, because the refusal tests whether their intention is genuine or temporary. A person who abandons their desire to join Israel after the first refusal did not really want to join. A person who refuses to be refused, who comes back again after being sent away a second time and a third time, who finds every argument that says go home and turns it into another reason to stay, that person is serious.

Naomi was performing a legal ritual on an open road in Moab. The tears were real. The grief was real. The instruction to go back was also, simultaneously, a test.

The Marketplace They Would Not Fit Into

The Yalkut preserves a description of Jerusalem that makes Naomi's concern more concrete than pure theology. Jerusalem, the rabbis say, was organized by strict social boundaries. The marketplace of the kings did not mix with the marketplace of the prophets. The marketplace of the priests did not mix with the marketplace of the Levites. The foreigners had their own marketplaces, their own clothes, their own corners of the city, and they did not blend in. What one community wore, the other community did not wear. What one group carried in the street, the other group did not carry.

Naomi was looking at two Moabite women in Moabite clothes and thinking about Jerusalem. She was thinking about what it would look like when she walked back into the city she had left, widowed and empty, with foreign daughters-in-law beside her who would stand out in every market they tried to enter. She was trying to spare them something. She was also testing them.

Orpah passed the test by failing it. She kissed Naomi and went back to Moab. She is not remembered as a villain. The rabbis understood her choice. She was a reasonable woman who heard a reasonable argument and accepted it. She went home.

The Third Refusal and What Ruth Said

The Torah says Naomi told them to return three times (Ruth 1:8, 1:11, 1:15). Ruth refused all three. The final refusal is the one that produced the most famous speech in the book. Naomi pointed at Orpah disappearing down the road back to Moab and said: look, your sister-in-law has gone back to her people and to her gods. Go back with her.

Ruth's response is what the rabbis of Ruth Rabbah, the Palestinian midrashic collection on the book of Ruth, analyzed with the most care. Do not urge me to leave you. The Ruth Rabbah tradition, drawing on the teaching attributed to Rabbi Lerner, reads this as more than a loving protest. Ruth was saying: do not sin toward me. The Hebrew underneath the standard translation allows this reading. Do not do something wrong by trying to persuade me. What you are calling kindness is asking me to abandon something I have already decided. My conversion has already happened in my heart. The question is whether it will happen with your blessing or without it.

What Made Her Pass

Rabbi Chiya's tradition, preserved in the Yalkut, is the one that holds the line. Do not have faith in a convert for twenty-four generations. The converted nature takes that long to become fully stable. The generations of Moabite formation do not dissolve in one speech, however beautiful the speech is. Ruth's declaration is genuine. It is also the beginning of a process that will take time to complete.

But she passed the test. Three refusals, three acceptances. Naomi tried every argument that a concerned woman could try on a young widow with her whole life still in front of her. Ruth received every argument and converted every argument into another stone in the road to Bethlehem. By the time Naomi stopped trying to send her back, the test had been run correctly and the result had been established. Ruth was serious. Ruth was not going home.

ConversionWomenNaomiRuthMoabShavuotYalkut Shimoni
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From the tradition

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The texts this telling draws on, in full. Open a card to read inline, or expand it for a wider, quieter read.

Yalkut Shimoni on Nach 601:4Yalkut Shimoni

Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law, "Go back" (Ruth 1:8): Why did she send them back? In order not to be embarrassed by them. For so did we find that in Jerusalem there were several marketplaces and they did not mix with one another: The marketplace of the kings; the marketplace of the prophets; of the priests; of the Levites; of the Israelites. The foreigners were [dressed] in their clothes and were in their [own] marketplaces. What these wore, the others did not wear. "Turn back, my daughters" (Ruth 1:11) - why [is this repeated] three times? From this [we learn] that we do not refuse a convert after the third time. Rabbi Chiya said, "Do not have faith in a convert for twenty-four generations, as he retains his 'fermentation.' But when a convert accepts the yoke of the Holy One, blessed be He, in love and in awe and converts for the sake of Heaven, the Holy One, blessed be He, does not turn him away. As it is stated (Deuteronomy 10:18), 'and loves the convert to give him bread and a garment.' The Holy One, blessed be He, warned forty-eight warnings (prohibitions) about the convert, and he warned correspondingly (that number) about idolatry." Two women gave themselves over for the sake of the tribe of Yehudah, Tamar and Ruth. Tamar yelled out, "I will not leave this house empty!" [With] Ruth, each time that her mother-in-law said to her, "Go away, my daughter," she cried, as it is stated (Ruth 1:9), "and they raised their voices and cried." "Yaas (May) the Lord deal kindly with you" (Ruth 1:8) - Rabbi Chanina the son of Rav Acha said, "It is written, Yaaseh (He shall). "As you have dealt with the dead" (Ruth 1:8) - since you occupied yourselves with the burial shrouds; "and with me" - since you forewent you marriage contracts in my favor. Rabbi Zeira said, "This scroll does not have impurity or purity in it, nor permission or prohibition. So why was it written? To teach you the reward of those who do acts of lovingkindness.

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Ruth Rabbah (Lerner) 22:1Ruth Rabbah (Lerner)

In this little snippet of that text, we find a moment of intense connection, and a gentle but firm assertion of self.

The verse But the Rabbis, in their insightful way, see so much more within these words.

"Do not beseech me," Ruth says to Naomi. But according to Ruth Rabbah, as interpreted by Lerner, this isn't just a polite request. Ruth is actually saying, "Do not sin toward me." It's a powerful statement. She's asking Naomi not to hold back her own misfortunes, not to try and shield Ruth from the difficulties that lie ahead. Don't think, Ruth is saying, that trying to dissuade me is somehow doing me a favor.

Why? Because Ruth has already made up her mind. "Regardless," she declares, "my intention is to convert." But here's the kicker: "it is not better that my conversion be at your hands and not at the hands of another." It's a fascinatingly nuanced position. Ruth isn't rejecting Naomi, but she's asserting her own agency. She's choosing this path, not simply being led down it. She wants Naomi to know this isn't about her out of pity or obligation.

Naomi, understanding the depth of Ruth's commitment, then begins to explain some of the realities of Jewish life. According to Ruth Rabbah, Naomi presents the laws of converts. "My daughter," she says, "it isn't the way of Israel to go to theaters and places of amusement, but rather to synagogues and houses of study." She's painting a picture of a life dedicated to community, to learning, to spiritual growth. And she adds, "it is not the way of Israel to go more than two thousand cubits (from civilization) on Shabbat (the Sabbath)," referring to the restrictions on travel during the Sabbath.

To each of these points, Ruth has a ready answer, echoing the powerful words of the original verse. When Naomi speaks of synagogues and study, Ruth replies, "Wherever you go I will go." When Naomi speaks of Shabbat restrictions, Ruth again responds, "Wherever you go I will go."

Then Naomi continues, "And it is not the way of Israel to live in a house that doesn't have a Mezuzah (a parchment scroll affixed to doorposts)" (a small parchment scroll containing biblical verses, affixed to the doorpost).

And Ruth's unwavering response? "Wherever you lie I will lie."

This isn't just about following the rules. It's about embracing a way of life, a culture, a people. Ruth isn’t just saying she'll do what's required; she's saying she'll share in Naomi's life, in every aspect, from the sacred to the mundane.

The Rabbis, in Ruth Rabbah, are showing us the depth of Ruth's conviction. This isn't a casual decision. This is a soul aligning itself with a new destiny, a new people, a new God. It's a powerful evidence of the human capacity for change, for growth, and for unwavering commitment. It’s a reminder that sometimes, the greatest journeys begin with the simplest of declarations: "Wherever you go, I will go." And perhaps, in our own lives, we can find inspiration in Ruth's steadfast spirit, in her willingness to embrace the unknown, and in her unwavering commitment to the path she has chosen.

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