The ancient rabbis had something to say about that, and it all comes down to light.
Shemot Rabbah, a classic collection of Midrashic interpretations on the Book of Exodus, uses a powerful metaphor to explain this very feeling. It begins with the image of a "flourishing olive tree" – a symbol of the Torah's illuminating power. The idea is simple: when you engage with the Torah, its wisdom lights your way. But what happens when you don't?
Imagine someone walking in complete darkness. They're bound to trip over a rock, stumble into a pit, and end up bruised and battered. Shemot Rabbah argues that a person without the Torah is just like that person in the dark. Without its guidance, they're more likely to stumble into transgression and, ultimately, spiritual death. As Proverbs (5:23) warns, "He will die for lack of admonishment," and that admonishment, the Midrash tells us, is the Torah. The Torah is even called "your life" in Deuteronomy (30:20), as understood in Targum Yonatan, a crucial early Aramaic translation.
But what about those who do engage with Torah? The Midrash contrasts the two scenarios: “The way of the wicked is like blackness; they do not know on what they stumble," (Proverbs 4:19) but "those who engage in Torah, they illuminate everywhere.” Imagine now that same person in the darkness, but this time, they're carrying a lamp. They can see the obstacles in their path, avoid the pitfalls, and walk with confidence. As Psalm 119:105 beautifully puts it: “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.”
This brings us to a profound idea: partnership with the Divine. The Holy One, blessed be He, says: "Let My lamp be in your hand and your lamp in My hand." What's the lamp of the Holy One? It is the Torah, as Proverbs 6:23 states: “For the mitzvah is a lamp, the Torah is light.” Mitzvah (plural: mitzvot) means commandment or good deed.
Now, what's our lamp? The Midrash suggests it's our soul! "The soul of man is the lamp of the Lord" (Proverbs 20:27). When we fulfill a mitzvah, it's like kindling a lamp before the Divine. It sustains our soul, that very spark of God within us. What a beautiful image!
But what about those nagging doubts? What about that voice inside that tells you to hold onto your money instead of giving to charity? The yetzer hara (the evil inclination), whispers temptations in our ear. “What’s in it for you?" it asks. "Why help others when you could help yourself?"
This is where the Midrash offers a final, powerful analogy. Think of a single lit lamp. You can use it to light thousands upon thousands of other candles, and yet, its own light remains undiminished. Similarly, when you give for a mitzvah, you don't lose anything. In fact, you gain something far more valuable: a connection to the Divine, and a brighter path forward. "For the mitzvah is a lamp, the Torah is light.”
So, what kind of light are we carrying with us? Are we stumbling in the dark, or illuminating our path with the wisdom of Torah and the fire of good deeds? It's a question worth pondering, isn't it? Because ultimately, the choice is ours.