The ancient rabbis saw that struggle playing out in the life of Moses, as he stood on the cusp of his world-changing mission.

The book of Exodus (4:18) tells us, "Moses went and returned to Yeter his father-in-law and he said to him: Please, let me go and return to my brethren who are in Egypt and see if they are still alive. Yitro said to Moses: Go in peace.” Seemingly simple, right? But the Midrash, specifically Shemot Rabbah, digs deeper. It asks, what kind of person is worthy to undertake a mission of such immense importance?

The Midrash finds its answer in Psalm 24:3-4, "Who shall ascend the mountain of the Lord? Who shall stand in His holy place? He who has clean hands and is pure of heart, who has not taken My name in vain, nor taken an oath deceitfully."

So, how does this relate to Moses? The rabbis saw in him the embodiment of these very qualities.

"Clean hands," the Midrash says, refers to Moses. How so? By pointing to Numbers 16:15, where Moses declares, "I have not taken [nasati] one donkey from them…" The rabbis cleverly interpret nasati, usually meaning "taken," as relating to loading or carrying. The implication? Moses was so scrupulous, so utterly beyond reproach, that he wouldn't even ask someone to load his belongings onto their donkey during their arduous journeys. As we find in Genesis 44:13, Nesia is an expression of nothing other than loading, as it is stated: “Each man loaded his donkey." Could you imagine such integrity?

And what about being "pure of heart?" The Midrash argues that Moses demonstrated this by not embarking on his divine mission until he had clarified a crucial detail. Remember when God commands Moses to go to Egypt? Moses asks (Exodus 3:13), "And they will say to me: What is His name, what shall I say to them?" He needed to understand the nature of the One who was sending him. This wasn't arrogance; it was a deep-seated desire to understand the mission's core before committing himself.

"Who has not taken My name in vain" – This, according to the Midrash, refers to Moses’s killing of the Egyptian. Now, that sounds… problematic, right? But the rabbis aren't condoning violence. Instead, they explain that Moses only acted after judging the Egyptian and determining he was liable for execution. Some interpretations even suggest Moses used the divine name itself in this judgment, a powerful and weighty act. This interpretation hinges on a play on words, seeing the phrase "My name" (nafshi) as connected to nefesh, meaning "life."

Finally, "Nor taken an oath deceitfully." This alludes to the oath Moses made to Yitro, promising not to leave without his permission. When God called him back to Egypt, Moses didn't just sneak away. He went back to Yitro and, as Yefei Toar explains, received permission to leave, thereby nullifying his oath in an honorable way. It's about upholding integrity even when divine calling tugs in another direction.

And so, we return to the verse: "Moses went and returned to Yeter his father-in-law." It wasn't just a geographical return; it was a return to his word, to his integrity, before embarking on the most important journey of his life.

What does this all mean for us? Perhaps it's a reminder that true leadership, true service, begins with inner integrity. It’s about striving for clean hands, a pure heart, and honoring our commitments, even when faced with difficult choices. Because sometimes, the most important journey we take is the one back to ourselves.