Even some of the biggest figures in Jewish history felt that way.

Shemot Rabbah, a classic collection of Midrashic interpretations on the Book of Exodus, gives us a fascinating glimpse into this struggle. It asks, what does it really mean when it says "Moses went..." (Exodus 4:18)? Seems simple, right? He went back to his father-in-law, Yitro. But the Rabbis see something much deeper.

The verse states, “Moses went and returned to Yeter his father-in-law.” It seems redundant. Why does it have to say "Moses went"? According to the Rabbis, it's not just about the physical act of going. It’s about something much bigger.

Rabbi Pinchas, as quoted in Shir HaShirim Rabbah, puts it this way: God is one in the world, and He judges all of humankind alone. No one can overturn His words. Think about that for a moment. No one.

The text then quotes Job 23:13: “He is one; who can respond to Him?” The Rabbis ask, what does that really mean? Whatever decree God issues on a person, there’s no overturning it. Sounds pretty absolute, doesn’t it? But let's look at some examples.

Remember Bilam? He was hired to curse Israel, but against his will, against his own best interests, he was forced to bless them. As Numbers 23:8 asks, “How will I curse if God has not cursed?” He was powerless to go against the Divine will. He tried, but the blessing came out anyway.

And what about Jonah? He famously tried to avoid his mission to Nineveh, running in the opposite direction, as we read in Jonah 1:3, "He went down to Yafo, and found a ship going to Tarshish." But ultimately, he went to Nineveh anyway! (Jonah 3:3). He went against his own desires, but not against God’s plan.

Then there's Jeremiah. He didn't want to be a prophet. He felt too young, too inexperienced. He protested, but God told him, "Do not say I am a lad, because to wherever I will send you, you shall go" (Jeremiah 1:7). He prophesied, even when he didn't want to.

And finally, we come back to Moses. He resisted going back to Egypt to free the Israelites. He made excuses. He said, "Send, please, by means of whom You will send" (Exodus 4:13). He begged God to choose someone else. But ultimately, as our verse from Exodus tells us, “Moses went…”

The Midrash isn't saying Moses happily skipped back to Egypt. It's saying that despite his reluctance, despite his fears, it was ultimately impossible for him not to carry out his mission.

So, what's the takeaway here? Is it that we have no free will? Not exactly. It’s more nuanced than that. These stories, as interpreted in Shemot Rabbah, suggest that sometimes, there’s a current pulling us towards something bigger than ourselves. A purpose, a calling, a mission that we can resist, but not ultimately escape.

Perhaps, instead of fighting it, we should consider what that "going" really means for us. What are we being called to do, even when we don't want to? What is our own personal Egypt we need to confront? It's a question worth pondering.