Reuben admits, "Now I confess my sin, that ofttimes I longed to kill him, for I hated him from the bottom of my heart… and I desired to destroy him from off the land of the living.” Can you feel the intensity of that animosity? It's a raw, human emotion, amplified by sibling rivalry and perceived injustice.
But here’s the twist: Reuben, despite his hatred, couldn't bring himself to commit murder. He orchestrates the plan to sell Joseph to the Ishmaelites instead. "Thus the God of our fathers saved him out of our hands," Reuben confesses, "and He did not permit us to commit an abominable outrage in Israel." It’s a strange kind of redemption, isn’t it? Saving Joseph, but still driven by hatred.
Reuben then turns to his children, offering them a stark warning. "Hear now, my children, the words of truth, that ye may practice justice and the whole law of the Most High, and permit yourselves not to be tempted by the spirit of hatred." He describes hatred as a corrosive force, a constant companion of deception that twists reality, magnifies petty grievances, and ultimately, "fills the heart with devilish poison." Pretty strong stuff, right?
He lays bare his own experience, hoping to inoculate his descendants against the same destructive path. He emphasizes that "Righteousness banishes hatred, and humility kills it." It's a powerful message: actively choose righteousness, cultivate humility, and you starve hatred of its fuel. Easier said than done, of course, but the path is clear.
Now, here's where the story takes an even more interesting turn. Reuben's repentance wasn't just a verbal declaration. He suffered. According to Ginzberg's retelling, he was afflicted with a liver ailment. "My penance came in consequence of a sickness of the liver that God inflicted upon me." He understood it as a direct consequence of his sin: "As my liver had felt no mercy for Joseph, unmerciful suffering was caused unto me by my liver." The idea of measure for measure, middah k’neged middah, is a powerful one in Jewish thought. What you put out into the world will eventually come back to you.
His suffering lasted eleven months, mirroring the length of his enmity toward Joseph. Ultimately, it was the prayers of his father, Jacob, that healed him. Reuben understood that "true atonement, pleasing to God, enlightens the eyes, illumines the soul with knowledge, and creates a counsel of salvation." True repentance isn't just saying sorry; it’s a transformative process that brings clarity, wisdom, and ultimately, redemption.
Reuben's story is a reminder that even in the face of intense emotions like hatred, there is always a path toward healing and reconciliation. It requires honest self-reflection, a commitment to righteousness, and perhaps most importantly, a willingness to seek forgiveness, both from others and from ourselves. And who knows? Maybe, just maybe, it starts with letting go of that grudge you've been holding onto. What do you think?