Turns out, the book of Ecclesiastes, or Kohelet, might just have the answer. Kohelet 9:9 says, "Enjoy life with a woman whom you love all the days of your life of vanity which He has given you under the sun… as that is your portion in life." But what does that really mean?
The sages of the Midrash, in Kohelet Rabbah 9, delve into this verse, and their interpretation might surprise you. Rabbi [Yehuda HaNasi] said, in the name of the holy congregation, that we should "acquire for yourself a craft with Torah." What does that mean? The Midrash cleverly interprets "life" as Torah and "woman" as a craft or trade. The idea is that to truly enjoy life, you need both spiritual nourishment (Torah) and a means to support yourself (a craft). It’s a fascinating way of reading the verse, isn't it?
Now, why call them the "holy congregation"? Well, some say it's because of Rabbi Yosei ben Meshulam and Rabbi Shimon ben Menaseya. These guys were seriously committed – they divided their day into thirds: Torah, prayer, and labor. Talk about balance! Others say they dedicated the winter to Torah and the summer to labor. Rabbi Yitzḥak ben Elazar even applied the title of "holy congregation" to Rabbi Yehoshua son of Rabbi Timi and Rabbi Burki, who also followed this balanced approach. It seems that finding harmony between the spiritual and the practical was a highly valued ideal.
The text then veers into some interesting, seemingly unrelated, laws around marriage and mourning. For example, it's taught that a mourner shouldn't marry until thirty days have passed. Rabbi Yehuda even extends that to three pilgrimage festivals, connecting it to the three times the word "life" appears in a related verse. However, there are exceptions, particularly if the mourner has young children or needs to fulfill the mitzvah, the commandment, of procreation. There's even a story about Rabbi Tarfon, whose wife passed away. Before the grave was even covered, he asked her sister to marry him and raise his children. Even though he remarried quickly, he still waited thirty days before engaging in conjugal relations.
And speaking of family, the Midrash outlines the mitzvot incumbent upon a father regarding his son: circumcision, redemption of the firstborn, teaching Torah, teaching a trade, and finding him a wife. Some even add teaching him to swim! The proof-texts provided for each of these are derived from verses throughout the Tanakh, or Hebrew Bible.
But perhaps the most powerful part of this passage is its exploration of what it means to be without a wife. According to the text, a man without a wife is without goodness, help, joy, blessing, and even atonement! Each of these lacks is supported by biblical verses. Rabbi Yehoshua ben Levi goes even further, adding that he is without life and peace. Rabbi Ḥiyya bar Gamda declares that such a man is not even a complete person, referencing Genesis 5:2, where God calls them "Adam" only when they are together. Some even say that being unmarried diminishes the Divine Image, as humans are created in God's image (Genesis 9:6).
So, what's the takeaway? Is it simply about finding a partner? Perhaps. But it feels like there's something deeper here. The Midrash seems to be suggesting that a complete and fulfilling life requires balance: a balance between the spiritual and the practical, between personal growth and connection with others. It’s about finding that “craft” to sustain you, while also nurturing your soul with Torah – with wisdom, learning, and connection to something larger than yourself. And maybe, just maybe, finding that connection with another person is a key piece of that puzzle. A partner to share the journey, to help us become more complete versions of ourselves. Food for thought, isn't it?