It turns out, our sages grappled with these feelings too, and they used a beautiful metaphor: water.
This passage from Sifrei Devarim (48) explores how we should approach learning, specifically the learning of Torah. And it does it through the lens of different types of water sources.
Rabbi Yehudah starts us off with a comparison: a great Torah scholar is like a sponge, soaking up everything. But a lesser one? He's like a cotton wad, only absorbing what he thinks he needs, content with what his teacher has already given him. Is that really enough, though?
Then Rabbi Shimon ben Yochai quotes Proverbs 5:15, "Drink water from your borecha." Now, borecha can mean "your well," but Rabbi Shimon cleverly interprets it as "from him who is with you in your city" – from the Torah sage nearby. Learn from those around you first, he says, and then seek wisdom from afar. He finds support for this in Proverbs 31:14, about the woman of valor who "is like the merchant's ships, bringing her bread from afar" – a metaphor for bringing Torah knowledge from distant places.
But Rabbi Shimon ben Menassia takes it in a different direction. He interprets "borecha" in Proverbs 5:15 as referring to your Creator. Drink from the waters of your Creator, he urges, and avoid "sullied" waters, lest you be drawn after the words of heretics. It's a warning, a reminder to be discerning about where we get our wisdom.
And then there's Rabbi Akiva, who offers another fascinating take. He says that the verse "Drink waters from your pit" (Proverbs 5:15) refers to a Torah scholar in his early stages. A pit, he explains, can't produce water on its own; it only contains what's poured into it. Similarly, a young scholar initially only knows what his teacher has taught him. But! Then comes the next part of the verse: "and flowing waters from your well." A well, unlike a pit, flows with living waters from all sides. Disciples come and learn from him. And that's the goal, isn't it? To become a wellspring of knowledge. As Proverbs 16 says, "Your fountains will spread abroad."
Why all the water imagery? Because, as the passage points out, words of Torah are compared to water. Just as water is life for the world, so are the words of Torah, as Proverbs 4:22 tells us: "For they are life to those who find them, and healing to all of his flesh." Water cleanses us, and so too, the words of Torah purify us, as we learn in Psalms 19:10, "The fear of the L-rd is pure." Water restores our souls, and the Torah guides us from evil to good, "The Torah of the L-rd is whole, restoring the soul" (Psalms 19:8). And just as water is freely available to all, so too should the words of Torah be accessible to everyone, as Isaiah 55:1 proclaims: "Ho! all who thirst, go to the waters!"
But here's the kicker: someone might argue that if water is so readily available, perhaps it has no value. And if Torah is like water, then maybe Torah has no value either! The text anticipates this concern and immediately counters it with Proverbs 3:15: "It is more precious than pearls, and all of your desires cannot be compared to it." Torah is priceless.
So what's the takeaway? Are we sponges, cotton wads, pits, or wells? Maybe we're a little of each at different times in our lives. The key is to keep learning, keep seeking, and keep sharing. To drink deeply from the wellspring of Torah and let its life-giving waters flow through us and out into the world. It's a lifelong journey, a constant process of seeking and sharing, and it all starts with that first sip.