King David certainly did. In the ancient text Tanna DeBei Eliyahu Rabbah, we hear David, may his memory be a blessing, express this very sentiment: "My fear is within my joy, and my joy is within my fear; and my love ascends above them all." What a powerful statement! It speaks to the complex tapestry of human emotion and the delicate balance we strive for.
But David doesn't stop there. He connects this feeling to his relationship with God, saying that the Holy One, blessed be He, made a covenant with him, ensuring his proficiency in all aspects of Torah – Scripture, Mishnah (oral law), laws, and aggadahs (stories and legends). He bases this on the verse in 2 Samuel 23:5, "For is not my house so with God? For He has made an everlasting covenant with me, ordered in all things, and sure…" The text emphasizes that this "covenant" is the Torah itself, referencing Malachi 2:5, "My covenant was with him, life and peace."
So, what does it mean to be proficient in Torah? Well, it's more than just knowing the words. It's about living them, embodying them. And here's where things get interesting. The text then delves into the idea of the Torah scholar and their sustenance. It poses a thought-provoking question: if God loves the Torah, why doesn't He always make sure that those who study it are wealthy?
The answer? It's a matter of balance. Too much wealth, and a scholar might become arrogant, presumptuous, and forget the true source of their wisdom. As King Solomon wisely asks in Proverbs 30:8-9, "Remove far from me falsehood and lies; give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with the food that is needful for me, lest I be full, and deny You, and say: 'Who is the Lord?' Or lest I be poor, and steal, and profane the name of my God." It’s a constant negotiation, a prayer for just the right amount.
This concept of divine selection extends through generations. The text continues, "Blessed is He who chose the Torah and the Talmud (and the Sages), and their disciples, and the disciples of their disciples, and their children, and the children of their children, until the end of all generations…" It's a beautiful image of a lineage dedicated to learning and upholding the Torah. God sees into their hearts, and they, in turn, ensure the Torah isn't forgotten. This echoes the promise in Isaiah 59:21: "My spirit that is upon you, and My words which I have put in your mouth, shall not depart out of your mouth, nor out of the mouth of your seed, nor out of the mouth of your seed's seed."
But what about those who aren't so dedicated? The text contrasts this with the "sons of rebellious Israel," who are "soft" in their youth but "hard" in their old age. It's a stark reminder that spiritual growth requires consistent effort. Ignoring that effort, according to this passage, has consequences.
The text then offers a fascinating perspective on the future, suggesting that aspects of the Messianic Age and the World to Come are already present in our world, albeit in small measures. It speaks of a future session in God's study hall, where the righteous will sit before Him. But it adds that David, King of Israel, has already illuminated his face with halachah (Jewish law) before the righteous in this world. We get glimpses of this future world through the lives of figures like Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and through events like the resurrections performed by Elijah and Elisha.
This idea culminates in the promise of a future filled with honor, strength, eating, drinking, joy, and, most importantly, peace. But even these blessings have echoes in our current reality, found in the acts of righteousness and peace we strive for in our own lives.
So, what does all this mean for us today? Perhaps it's a reminder to embrace the complexities of life, to find joy even in the face of fear, and to dedicate ourselves to a path of learning and growth. It's a call to seek balance, to avoid the extremes of arrogance and despair, and to strive for a world where peace and righteousness prevail. And, maybe, just maybe, to catch a glimpse of the World to Come in the acts of kindness and compassion we perform each day.