This week, we're diving into a fascinating passage from Bamidbar Rabbah 19 that touches on exactly that feeling, exploring a moment of high diplomacy – or rather, a diplomatic brick wall – between Moses and the King of Edom.
The scene is set in Numbers 20:14. The Israelites, after decades of wandering, are trying to pass through Edom. Moses sends messengers, saying, "So said your brother Israel: You know all the travail that we have encountered." Sounds simple enough. But within that simple request lies a world of complex relationships and unspoken resentments.
The Midrash draws a connection to Psalms 15:3: "He who does not gossip with his tongue, nor does evil to his neighbor, nor tolerates disgrace for his relative." : Moses, despite the Israelites’ provocations at the waters of Meriva (Numbers 20:13, Psalms 106:32) where he "suffered on their account," doesn't abandon them. He still advocates for them, sending messengers to Edom. The Midrash beautifully interprets the end of the verse as "he does not consider himself to be disgraced on account of his relative," instead continuing to work on their behalf. It's a powerful testament to loyalty, even when things get tough.
Moses' message to Edom is carefully crafted. “Our ancestors descended to Egypt, and we lived in Egypt many years, and the Egyptians mistreated us and our ancestors" (Numbers 20:15). He’s reminding Edom of their shared history, their shared ancestry. As the text notes, he is saying to Edom: ‘You know that when the Holy One blessed be He said: “Know, that your descendants will be a stranger in a land that is not theirs, and they will be enslaved to them, and they will oppress them, four hundred years” (Genesis 15:13), we were enslaved, but you are a free man.’
The Midrash uses a clever analogy here. Imagine two brothers whose grandfather had a debt. One brother pays it off. Later, he asks to borrow something from the other. Wouldn't he expect a little goodwill? Moses is essentially saying, "We paid the price of oppression. Can’t you at least let us pass through your land?"
But there's more to it than just a simple request. Moses is acutely aware of how the Israelites might be perceived. He anticipates Edom's potential concerns. "Please, let us pass through your land; we will not pass through a field or through a vineyard, and we will not drink well water; we will go on the king’s way; we will not turn right or left until we pass your border” (Numbers 20:17). Notice it doesn't say "water of pits," which is plural. The Midrash teaches us about derekh eretz – etiquette. When visiting a foreign land, even if you have your own provisions, you should buy from the local merchants to support their economy.
Moses goes even further, explaining, "The well accompanies us and we eat manna; do not say that we are an imposition upon you. You will be earning income for yourself.” He's reassuring Edom that they won't be a burden. In fact, they'll even bring economic benefit! And as God later instructs in Deuteronomy 2:6, "You shall purchase food from them with silver." Moses is telling them to loosen their purse strings. As the text says, "...so they will not say: They were slaves, they are poor. Show them your wealth, and they will know that you did not lose because of the enslavement.”
Despite all these assurances, Edom refuses. "Edom said to him: You shall not pass through me, lest I come out toward you with the sword" (Numbers 20:18). So much for brotherly love. As the Midrash connects it to Psalms 120:7, "I am peace; but when I speak, they are for war."
Why the refusal? The text suggests that it wasn't entirely Edom's decision. God Himself didn't want the Israelites passing through. As Deuteronomy 2:5 states, "Do not provoke them, for I will not give you from their land." And Numbers 20:21 confirms, "Edom refused to allow Israel." The Israelites then appeal to Moab, with a similar result.
The passage even draws upon Judges 11:17 to highlight the consistency of Edom and Moab's refusal, reinforcing the idea of a divine orchestration. Even Yiftah, of seemingly "insignificant stature," reaffirms this historical reality. Moses, in Deuteronomy 2:29, alludes to the precedent set by "the children of Esau, who live in Seir, [and the Moavites, who live in Ar,]" further solidifying the pattern of denial.
So, what are we left with? A complex tapestry of diplomacy, resentment, and divine will. It's a reminder that even with the best intentions, sometimes, you can't change someone's mind. Sometimes, you're up against something bigger than just a simple disagreement. And perhaps, most importantly, it underscores the enduring power of kinship and the responsibility we have to advocate for our own, even when they've wronged us. What does it mean to be a good relative, a good member of a community, even when it's difficult? That's the question this passage leaves us to ponder.